It was one of many conversations. Over the last year and a half there was so much information, a mountain of questions and countless decisions to be made. They all forced me to lean on wisdom that was beyond me.
But this time things were different. A mask of anguish settled over the nurse’s face as she asked, “Can I be honest with you?” Despite her efforts to carefully choose her words, the four word sentence tumbled out of her mouth like a boulder.
“Your Dad is transitioning.”
I knew.
The thought fleeted across my mind days before. He was sleeping more, refusing to eat and straining to see “the people over there” who were hidden from our eyes.
I knew.
I just didn’t want to know.
I secretly hoped that God would change his mind, you know, perform the miraculous.
I prayed. I asked. I brought God in remembrance of His word. Instead of things getting better, they moved in the opposite direction. The more I sought God, the more the words. “Let me be God.” softly reverberated in my ear.
God was saying no.
Do you have a need or desire that you’ve placed before the Lord? I’m not referring to that casual thing that side steps your heart. I mean the thing that keeps you up while others are sleeping.
I’m sure you’ve already done your due diligence of confessing, decreeing and declaring the word of faith. But what do you do when your efforts fail to deliver the results you want? How do you respond when God requires that you exchange your will for His?
Surrender. It’s a word that most of us would rather not use. Our natural inclinations urge us to run away from it. Because surrender requires that we lay down what we long to embrace.
But when we are courageous enough to yield our lives to the sovereign God, we experience blessings that we would otherwise never know.
Five days was the length of time Daddy lingered between heaven and earth. Those days were like a blinding fog. Everything was moving, shifting and changing but for me, time stood still. I had just enough strength to do the next necessary thing.
But on day three, God extended his grace. He allowed moments of alertness, a brief exchange of words and turned Daddy’s distance gaze in my direction as I told him I loved him. That day, I heard his voice and had his audience for the last time. Surrender surprised me with the gift of a cherished moment.
“Don’t be afraid, the Lord will not leave you and he won’t forsake you.” were the words the small framed woman whispered to me a month prior. I didn’t know her. But, God gave her the word I needed for the days ahead. God was inviting me to trust him.
My Daddy slipped into eternity moments before I walked into his room. It was just the two of us surrounded by a sacred stillness.
As I wept over my earthly father, my Heavenly Father met me with his presence. God was in the room. He kept His promise.
There are times when difficult seasons pour in like rain. And it seems that way too often, God denies what we think we can’t live without. But just remember, his ways are perfect and his plans will always work together for your good.
So how will you respond when God says, “No”?
I pray that you will surrender to His will, trust Him and let God be God.
Your Sister Friend,
Sandra