I made sure the registration form was filled out thoroughly. Partly because, I’m still believing God to deliver me from perfectionism. pray for me
The other reason? Let’s just say I was more than a little concerned about our pre-schooler going to a Summer Camp. Well it wasn't really a camp. It was Vacation Bible School at a local church. But, you can’t be too careful, right?
I prayed for Bayley all morning and even though her class ended at noon, I was early. I hopped in the long pick up line and when I got to the counter, the lady, let's call her Sophie, couldn't find my paperwork.
Sophie: “Did you receive a confirmation email?”
Me: “No, I didn’t but,I registered online and signed Bayley in this morning.”
Sophie: I’m sorry Mrs. Franklin but, I can‘t find your information. I will need to see your driver‘s license. Lord Jesus what is going on?????
Me: I left my purse in the car so, I don’t have it with me.
Sophie: Well .... we can bring Bayley down to ask her if you're her Mom. ok great...no worries
I stood there confidently as Bayley came out holding one of the counselor's hand.
Sophie: "Is this your Mom?"
To my surprise, my sweet little girl just stood there... aaannnd stood there.... with a blank look on her face. She didn’t say a word. After more than an uncomfortable period of time, she gave a slight uncertain head nod. Right away the counselor and Bayley did an about-face and disappeared around the corner.
Sophie: Mrs. Franklin you’re going to have to get your driver’s license so we can verify that you are Bayley’s Mom.
The walk up the two flights of stairs and across the parking lot was a long one. I vacillated
from shock to anger and then....my heart slid down to my stomach and sadness came along for the ride.
Why would my child act as if she didn’t know me?
By the time we were heading to the car, I was mad all over again. I asked Bayley why she didn’t say that I was her Mommy. Her answer wasn’t anything my mind told me it would be.
“I wanted to play longer and you came too early.” what in the world!?
I was gaining momentum in my how "you shouldn’t deny knowing the people you love" rant . And then, God reminded me of the multiple times I’ve denied him. well... let me shut my mouth.
I suspect Peter has gotten more than a couple of side eyes for denying Jesus.
- Matthew 26: 69-75
True, it wasn’t one of his finest moments. But, his denial didn't surface because of a lack of love. A volcanic eruption of fear pushed the denial out of his mouth, not once but, three times.
Maybe you’ve never said it out loud. But, have you ever down played your relationship with the Lord so you wouldn’t be the odd ball in the group? Have you gone along with something that your spirit was clearly rejecting in order to gain approval or prestige? Either way, you and I have something in common with Peter.
Perhaps tangling with fear isn’t a part of your testimony. But, could it be that you’ve grown accustomed to mapping out your own path? Do you place your desires before the Lord or just do things your way? Oh trust me, I get it. Our plans always seem easier and definitely don’t take nearly as long. But when we do it our way, we reject God’s Sovereignty. We remove him from the throne of our lives and we occupy the seat.
If you’ve found yourself in either one of these scenarios don’t loose heart. Your human frailties haven’t disqualified you from the love of God. Just as Jesus met Peter on the seashore - John 21: 1 -19
and my heart was wide open to receive Bayley, God is ready to forgive you. Just ask. Ask for boldness to declare the truth of the gospel. Ask for God’s will to take precedent over yours.
God is ready to forgive you
For the remainder of camp, I arrived at noon. And unlike the first day, Bayley and I walked hand in hand up the stairs and across the parking lot with the sweet assurance that I am yours and you’re mine.
Your Sister Friend,